Falling in love with someone new is an exhilarating feeling — but it's also scary. How can you be sure the person you're dating is as into you as you are into them?
The best relationships are based on people who have the same feelings for each other, but unfortunately, not every relationship is that way.
Luckily, there are some signs you can look for that tell you what the other person is feeling without you having to ask outright.
Listen to the things he says.
If these 10 phrases come up often, they're signs he doesn't want a relationship with you, and you should move on with someone who can be the person you deserve.
1. “I wish I had met you sooner.”
A guy whose only intention is to take benefit from you will fawn on you with words that will send butterflies to your stomach. By wishing he had met you sooner, he wants to instill in you the idea that he has wasted relationships with other girls and that you’re actually the one who’s worthy of his time and (*sarcasm intended*) efforts.
But of course, you won’t believe that right away. You shouldn’t. The sentence itself should already make you question, what happened with his previous dates? And you should wonder how it feels if you were one of the girls in his past and you heard him say this to another, or how many times has he used this sentence as a bait.
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2. “I haven’t loved anyone this much.”
Let’s admit it. We girls are a sucker for you’re-the-best kind of flattery. Our knees get weak and our spirit frolics when we are considered special by a man. But don’t be too deceived when a guy tells you he hasn’t loved anyone like he loves you. How many girls has he loved anyway? Do you really find it flattering that you’re the most special one when his past girls were actually mistreated or loved “less”?
This kind of deception should give you the signal that this guy must have different levels of loving, which, logically speaking, is impossible, because true love can’t be measured. He can’t win you by convincing you he loved his ex but he loves you more or in a more special way.
If he knows how to truly love, whether it’s in the past or present, then he knows that there’s no such thing as loving less or loving much. Otherwise, the guy must be sugarcoating the fact that he just played with the others. Please don’t be the next victim.
3. “I would like it to be just the two of us.”
Oftentimes we’d like our friends or family to meet the guy we’re dating, and it feels good if he’s game for it. Lucky are the girls whose boyfriend’s are willing to meet their parents and friends instead of wanting to remain hidden and aloof, because a man who truly loves a woman and is committed to her does not distance himself from his partner’s loved ones.
Now, if he always likes to have a solo time with you then he’s selfish, and obviously, he just wants to satiate his physical desires. It’s natural that you want to have privacy sometimes; it can help you build stronger intimacy. But remember that privacy is so different from secrecy, because with secrecy comes ulterior, nasty motives you don’t deserve.
The next time he asks to see you, try asking him if it’s okay to invite your family to meet him. I hope his answer is positive.
4. “It’s up to you.”
When you’re thinking about a vacation, your man must have the main plan. On where you’ll eat, where you’ll stay, what places you’ll visit, how long it will take, whatnot. It doesn’t imply that you don’t have any say in planning or he should be the only one who decides. It rather implies that he, as a man, knows how to plan with and for you.
If he always says t’s up to you, don’t consider it sweet — because how can he plan on bigger things for your life together when he can’t take responsibility for simple things like your trips or dinner dates? He can always consult you to consider things better, anyway. He can ask what you want or give you a part in the planning but he shouldn’t leave it all to you.
Letting you decide all the way could mean apathy. Is he really interested in what you guys are sharing your moments together? If yes, then he should take part. He should know how to lead. Because leading is a sign of maturity.
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5. “Home dates are always the best!”
Why yes, a home date is incomparable. It’s simple yet fun and cozy. It makes you appreciate each other more. But hey, he should also have the desire to take you out. He must want to show you off to the world and enjoy the world with you.
Home dates and going out should be special alike as he knows you also deserve to enjoy a wider variety of things. He knows you deserve to be treated like a queen. He knows you’re someone to be proud of. You’re worth an enjoyable adventure. You’re worth an extravagant romantic date.
The man who doesn’t want to take you out of the shell doesn’t know you’re a trophy to be flaunted and taken care of for a lifetime. He is after your happiness.
6. “Let’s not talk about the past.”
If he wants a long-term relationship with you then he must anticipate that there will be a time you’ll be asking each other about your past. It will be so random that you both should consider it lightly, causing no fight or jealousy. But if it seems like a big deal to him then perhaps it’s either he hasn’t gotten over it yet or he did something that can turn you off.
Is he protecting his ego? Is it still affecting him? Maybe it’s no longer important, but you deserve the truth.
He must be willing to reveal his whole self to you. He must risk telling you everything if he really wants to prove his love for you. If he is serious with you then he must be willing to pour himself out.
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7. “Let’s take it easy and not stress too much about the future.”
Noticed him trembling when you mention the words marriage, family, and even someday? If he’s scared of the future—the future with you—come on, leave him now. This guy doesn’t plan to stay. This guy is just giving you false hopes.
If he nods off when you try to verbalize your fancy imagination of a future together if he digresses when you talk about your friend’s engagement ring if he just looks at his phone and says this sentence no. 7 when you ask him how you see each other in the future, my goodness dump that boy. That’s the strongest signal that he’s stringing you along.
He is afraid of commitment. He doesn’t want you to assume that he’ll be with you for the rest of your life but plays with your feelings to make you stay and give him what he wants.
8. “Sorry, I’ll have to make it up to you some other time.”
Cancellation of plans is disappointing especially if it comes from your partner. There may be valid reasons, but validity can’t cover up the little pain of suspending your excitement.
If it has been a habit to him, he no longer cares about how you feel. But if he really wants your plan to carry on, he will make a way to wrestle with hindrances instead of waiting for the opportunity to “make it up” to you.
Besides, does he really compensate for the delay? A man who’s not scared to disappoint you isn’t scared to lose you.
9. “I need some space.”
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Everyone does. But when it comes to a relationship, this sentence indicates coldness between the two parties. String-along connoisseurs live by this because this is how they start their detachment from the girl they’ve gained benefits from. This is the sign that they have found someone new and better. It’s the onset of shocking alterations.
Space is an excuse for them to gradually leave you. Well actually, most often it’s no longer gradual. Once they ask for space today, they’re gone forever. No simple text. No callback. Social media blocking. Contact number changing. All this in one day. You’ll seem like a person who has entertained a disguised stranger inside your house only to find out it’s a thief who will disappear after taking everything away from you.
You should know better now, girl.
10. “I never promised you anything.”
So once you get hold of him to ask where he’s gone, what happened to your (almost) relationship, or why did it need to happen, he’ll say this right to your face: he never promised you anything. It’s either he’s gaslighting you or telling you the truth that he didn’t really swear on committing to you.
What’s funny is they usually say this with pride and making you believe it’s your fault for being dumb. For assuming. For expecting too much. But never blame yourself. You’re just a victim. You’re wiser now.
So if you’re currently dating a man who has said these lines, you better get rid of him ASAP. You’re not a puppet to be strung along, to be manipulated, and used.
You are created to be committed to. To be brought to the altar. To be pursued with reckless abandon.
You are meant for lifetime love.
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Karla Crisostomo is an English teacher, grammar enthusiast, aspiring author, cat cuddler, INFP. Follow her on Instagram and find more of her work on Facebook.
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This article was originally published at Thought Catalog. Reprinted with permission from the author.